HAPPY NEW YEARS- THE DEATH OF A CHILD

WRITTEN 01/01/1998

New Years Day brought him to me,

in a rush of ectstasy, he was so small and wonderful

my miracle for all to see.

I was so sure I could do it all-

Superwoman from the start but when I held him

fear would come that our lives were falling apart.

Love was a war zone, nerves were a wreck

there was little time for 3 kids.

career was important, but so was he

and something stayed scarey and hid…

choosing was impossible with pressures from all sides

The choice was made

But not by me

in march when Danny died.

That’s when the man who had

claimed he loved me

brought my heart to a screeching halt

when he turned on me accusingly

screaming it was all my fault.

he looked like he wanted to spit in my face-

but he hit it instead-

the blood i still taste…

And all those “loved ones” around

whispered about my killing my child,

the fear grew deep as accusations ran wild..

Maybe I did it, my own thoughts said,,,

and I wished to be with him,,

I wished to be dead….

But I knew I couldn’t be with him if I died

since God as well had taken their side….

As daily the cruel words hurt and bit…

nightly the man I thought loved me would hit…

Many years later I still think of my baby…

to wonder if I could have saved him…

just maybe??